Tales from the ER....

It was another one of those nights at work. It started out innocently enough, nothing too exciting until about midnight.
We got an ambulance run with a patient who called 911 because he stubbed his toe. Yup, he stubbed his toe. I'm sure it was really life threatening and worthy of that 911 call. Anyway we xrayed his toe, nothing was broken so it was time to send him home. He sat there and said he wasn't going. His exact words were "You can't make me." So we called the police. Before the police got there tho, he got into a yelling match with the one male nurse we have on nights. So the patient gets up and is yelling "You wanna take this outside?" So our nurse says yeah, opens the doors to the ambulance bay and the patient walks out ahead of him. Our nurse quick closed the doors. That got rid of that patient. Ha, dummy. Next time don't threaten to go outside, when that is all we want from you. Stupid.
Then I got a patient, a girl in her early 20's who mom brought in because she was acting weird. So we get her in the gurney and sent mom back outside because the patient didn't want her back there. So we're asking her what is going on, why she's acting weird and she keeps saying "my mom is the culprit" So of course I ask her, "What did she do?" The patients response "I told you she's the culprit. She's been culpriting." When I asked her again, I got the same response "She's been culpriting"
Nice, so I can see where not going to get anywhere here. So we get her undressed and into a gown and of course she takes the gown right off. So then she's sitting there nekkid and yelling that she wants "my Jeffrey, bring me my Jeffrey." Yelling, at the top of her lungs. We finally get blood drawn and IV infusing and she promptly rips it out. So then I'm pissed. We ended up medicating her 3 times, and each time I used a bigger needle than the last. (That'll teach her this afternoon when she feels those bruises.)
So anyway even after all this medication she's still screaming and yelling, trying to undress herself, and trying to throw punches. So we got out the restraints and tied her arms down. She immediately tried to kick me in the head, luckily her aim was a little off. So anyway, we all walk away and just wait for the meds to kick in, and she's still screaming. "Get me out of here, I hate you all." They she says "Hey I know how to sing" and so the next hour or so goes like this...
"I HATE YOU....think of me, think of me fondly....GET ME THE F*CK OUT OF HERE....think of me.....WHERE IS JEFFREY......think of me fondly.....I WANNA GO HOME....think of me....GET ME Out of heee...."
The meds had finally kicked in. Thank goodness. Then she slept for the next 4 hours, and I got to go home and pass her off to day shift. Yay for me. Unfortunately, I really like Phantom of the Opera, and that song will never be the same for me again. :)