So I'm kinda having a pity party kind of day. Just frustrated with life in general, stuck in a rut with no light at the end of the tunnel.
The situation with my grandma is not getting any better. She is still unable to walk, still incontinent, still not eating. My mom and I have to be there every day to help out. One of us goes every morning and every evening at 9 to get her cleaned up and in and out of bed. Then my poor mom goes twice more during the day to do therapy with her. It's really getting old, and unfortunately I'm starting to resent her for it. My mom and I have to work opposite days so that one of us is off every night. We can't go anywhere together, even for a day because one of us has to be there. We're supposed to go see my niece in Utah next week, but may not be able too because we aren't sure if my aunt can come over 4 times a day for 4 days. If I'm off I can't go out with friends because I have to be there at 9 and am usually there for about an hour. It's like our lives are on hold.
My aunt has helped out a few times when we both are working, but that's only at night and only like 1 or 2 nights a month. My cousins are nowhere to be seen, I think they may have forgotten where my grandparents live. My mom asked my uncle to come stay with her in the morning last Sunday so we could go to church (we don't like to leave her at home alone for more than an hour at a time, church takes a few hours), but he said he couldn't come because he had to work on the car. This is his mom too, and he comes for like an hour once a week in the afternoon with my aunt. He can't take a few hours from his busy schedule to sit with her so the rest of the family can go to church. My grandpa is a go, go, go type of person and we can tell he is getting kinda depressed because he can't really go anymore, he likes to go out and eat but doesn't really go because of my grandma. Has my uncle come to go to breakfast with him? Nope.
Seriously it's so frustrating. Between my mom and I we are there probably 4 hours a day, and we both work full time. My uncle doesn't work at all. My cousins both work, but one works 4 days a week and the other works 5, but not always 8 hours a day. But no one works anymore hours a week than anyone else. You'd think the rest of the family could help out some. I realize that the incontinence is a problem and don't expect my uncle, or even my cousins for that matter, to clean her up, but c'mon people, you can come to the house and spend time with her. Come do therapy with her. Hell, come and bring her something to eat, cuz my mom, grandpa and I aren't getting her to eat, maybe somebody new will get thru.
It sucks too, because she is so not the same person she used to be. She just sits there and stares at the TV, or sleeps. She's like a bump on a log. She's not interested in anything, books, games, anything. She doens't engage in conversations. She just is there. We try everything to get her to eat and she has an excuse for everything. It's too hot, it's too cold, it's too thick, nothing tastes good.... you name it, she's used it as an excuse. Again, it's getting old and I'm starting to resent her for it. I don't like this person she's become and I want my real grandma back. Which makes me feel like a horrible person, because she didn't choose to get sick, so I feel bad for getting frustrated with her. She went from being totally independant in February to being wheelchair bound and incontinent in May. But it's been 3 months and she hasn't gotten any better, and it doesn't seem like she is even trying anymore. And that's the most frustrating part. If she would just try. We try to talk to her, but it goes in one ear and out the other. She says she'll eat better, but then she doesn't, she just comes up with another excuse. And they're not good excuses, she once told me that she thought her teeth were too dull to eat with!
It's getting to where I'm beginning to wonder how much more we can take. My mom, grandpa and I are bearing most of the burden, and I wonder if the rest of the family will step up and help out? Or is this gonna cause the family to break? I'm really not sure....
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Indulge me for a moment...
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